Stressed

I'm feeling so stressed out lately...

My grades aren't so good especially when it comes to Spanish and Honors Geometry w/ Proof. My Spanish teacher seems convinced that we don't need to get an email of our grades, which is one of the pinpoints of my stress. I'm also failing at my Honors Geometry w/ Proof. Things never looked good on that side anyways. My Spanish teacher seems to hate me too, about just as much as I hate her. Being honest, I don't think I can stand her. She's never prepared, sometimes late, and I hate the way she teaches. She gives way too much homework.

It's hard to concentrate on what I'm doing lately. I keep multitasking and find suddenly that it's too late and then either my homework is unfinished or I'm sleeping late. As for English, our new teacher grades so much harder and it's difficult to satisfy what she wants. All the class averages had gone to a C+ at the beginning of this semester, and that's really frightening. It scares me to wonder what my current grade is, but none of my teachers except for my Western Studies teacher sends us our grades.

As if all those weren't enough, I've been having nightmares recently and they're horrifying in a disturbing way.

The bags under my eyes are never going away.

Man...I love my mom :/ she just came in and gave me a light massage on the shoulders and an encouragement before she left.

今日は...

今日は私はとても疲れたですよ！

我最後還是回來這裡ㄟ...
看來應為直有Tainted知道這裡還是比較好
我才有辦法說出自己心理的真話.
........................................................

September 2009

I'm finally free after 9 months. I'm finally so free. It feels so good. Free. Free. Free. I found out a little too late into it that I realized I hate love. Relationships scared me. I didn't want to be like all those people out there obsessed and into drama all because of love. I can't be with someone who I feel doesn't care about me. I can't be someone who I feel disgust and anger towards. I can't be with someone who hurts me so constantly with his overwhelming selfishness. So I decided that being single was better. It was so much more free.

However, before I could spread my wings and fly farther into the sky, I caught a glimpse of another angel, and my heart plummeted to the ground again. At least. At least one-sided love will never be returned. I won't be caged again. That I know he will keep. Because he won't lie to me. This will be the fourth year. No. The fifth.

December 2009/January 2010
What the hell is so interesting about a new year? It's a new year closer towards the point where we really mess ourselves up. So what if people are setting stuff into the sky? Look beyond those flashing colors. They're really just messing the sky up. A night after fireworks is just a sky that's really gone wrong. All that smoke is just disgusting. I don't see why anyone would want to look at it.

January 2009

I'm becoming more sensitive again.. Just a single action, and I'm hurt. Things irritate me more, and I feel stressed from the load I have. The load of work. I had a Honors Geometry quiz two days ago that I bombed. Today I had a Western Studies quiz about social contracts and a Health Project on ecstasy that's due tomorrow. Tomorrow, I have to make up for a Japanese test I missed on Friday. I have a Spanish quiz tomorrow. And on Friday, I have to start working on a new Health Project about debating. I have three days of math homework to do--tonight. I am about to go crazyyyyy *roars*

I like my new blog template :)

-- Whitesimplicity

Wretch

Uhm...no wallpaper this time ^^
I guess I feel a bit too depressed to do too much...
我沒辦法去星期日的 shabu shabu...
好傷心喔...每次大家要去什麼地方我就不行
其實媽媽說的也是...
錢不是我鑽的所以我也沒之隔問
媽媽也不知道我跟小愷的事所以她也不會知道我要去的原因
我不想害這個triple date變no date...我沒辦法去但我也不想讓小愷沒伴...
不應該讓他知道我愛他的
害他不能去...
"但我還在上學...我應該是要專心的做個好學生...不應該跟朋友出去[吃喝玩樂]那麼多次"

written in my new blog: http://www.wretch.cc/blog/kuromochi

~小欣

哇~ 終於2009了ㄝ ...
我應該1/1的時候post但那時候我在畫卡片給朋友...
拍ㄕㄟ喔...

800x600
1024x768
1200x800


800x600
1024x768
1200x800

hehe 我還畫黑和亮版ㄝ♥
這次我也有1200x800的size^^
...小愷給我的建議
學校開始了...我應該做功課了 x.x
我就end在這裡喔 ^^
Enjoy喔!

~小欣

Midori(綠)Theme

So I came up with another wallpaper ^^


They're not good, to put it simply.
I'll put down a better one next time ><

Midori
800 x 600
1024x768

Aka
800x600
1024x768

Lately, in the morning I go to the office as usual. That's pretty much my Winter Break weekdays. Tomorrow's a Saturday though, so I hope I get to stay home x.x
I'm pretty sick of doing PSAT practices and other little homeworks of such. Aren't they optional anyways? Actually, I guess I should be working on my name and manuscript, which I am doing right now while typing this up. I can't believe that over a year, she still remembers that I owe her manga x.x

Good thing is that I managed to strike a deal with my mom. If I get grades in the range of an A, I get either the mp3 or the mp4 thats sitting at home ^^♥ Aish. I'll get back to working now...think up another wallpaper later ><

~小欣

Kuro(黑)Bear

哇~ Exams 快到了!
好累喔...
我最勁都12點後睡所以媽媽把我的手機沒收了...
啊唷...
命真的不太好過ㄝ...^^

Kuro(黑)Bear Wallpaper


800 x 600
1024 x 768

~小欣

快瘋掉了

我的ICP和Spanish 3沒救了
兩個都快掛了...
我真想要所有的一切快結束. 真的快受不了了.

My relationships are failing completely. My parents think I cherish my friends over them. That's what they conclude from what they see. What they don't see is that I have my little life outside of home too. It's not that I want to break apart from them and just leave without saying 'thank you', but I live in a current time where I want to be able to live my own life, without others controlling it. My friends probably think I cherish one friend over another. Everything's so tangled up in itself I just want everything to end.

To make things worse, it's everything I've done to myself. I've caused myself all this pain and frustration. All these cuts--this torn flesh. I can't even take care of my own self. How can I take care of others if my life is in its own dilemma?

I feel that I'm losing my mind...slowly bit by bit
It ticks away like that clock.
So loudly.
I don't want to be sent to a hospital.
I don't want those white rooms.
That empty feeling.
I don't want to die alone.

I want to cut deeper. I want to jump...but I can't die. I can't be so selfish as to take my own life.
Wasting my time.
My life.
I'm not going to the Frolic anymore.

--小欣